Scoops of Mammoth


While Garp had the Under Toad, we have what I have referred to as The Mammoths.
For some reason whenever there is an unexplained fever or frightful cry in the middle of the night, I think of these large furry beasts quietly lurking in the nursery. They shuffle their feet behind the closet door, swaying, and poking Jackson with their long, curving trunks forcing him to wake with whatever ailment has arrived.
I doubt that mammoths were quiet creatures, yet since they resemble elephants I guess I think of them as potentially menacing yet hushed about it. Maybe even respectful. They don't destroy us but they do spark fear and refuse to leave even after I have fed them Tylenol and validated their parking.
They are scary, need to be dealt with and are the bearer of bad news.
They may also come to mind because whenever we have to deal with something regarding our child we get quite primal. Like cavemen retreating from the woolly thing at the edge of the cave, we shriek and pound our chests in the tusked faces of teething, 102-degree temps and random diarrhea.
That's right, I've said it.
It's out there.
There's a poopy mammoth just staring you in the face like that awkward Geico money you could be saving.
I refuse to let this become a poop-blog and I will do my best to not become the poop-mom that always wants to dish about their child's movements, but it has become a bit of an issue these last few weeks.
I won't go into too many details but I will say I never realized I could love someone so much that I would be willing to scoop poop for lab sampling purposes or that my husband could calmly handle three vials of ... uh ... mammoth.
In the end, that filthy mammoth was tagged, bagged and has been dismissed. We can thankfully move on and leave him to his extinction until the next fossil starts tapping on the door.
In the meantime, Eric and I will have to learn how to live with each other after what we have seen each other do with poop.
Maybe one day we will be able to look each other in the eyes again.

Comments

Cookie said…
Too funny! You are hilarious.
Houpley said…
i'm saving the best poop-tales for july!
Anonymous said…
Odd about the mammoths isn't it? I mean since you always loved elephants and have a large picture of one in the nursery and they are mammals. Toads, on the other hand . . . The primal thing is so true, just ask Phoebe.

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