Showing posts from July, 2012


There are about five or six texts that I keep on my phone's inbox at all times. Some of them include pics. All are kept for highly emotional reasons. Some are recent. Some from within the last six months. I keep a few with pictures of Stella from the hospital. I am afraid to delete those because they were her last photos and are all I have left. One is a text I sent to my dad and my cousin Pammy on the evening of 11/12/11. It is a photo of the machines crowding Eli's NICU room. I keep it to remind me how far he has come. That Eli is a miracle. I keep the early September text conversation between me and our realtor to remind me how lucky we were to find our house. And I still have the one on Halloween, last year when the ultrasounds to keep checking my fluid levels began. Some I am afraid to delete. Doesn't that sound crazy? But I get these silly notions that something bad will happen if I delete well wishes about Eli's health, or my family's health…


Outside dark clouds, booming thunder, soft rain and flashes of thunder - the stage was set for Eli's big move. He had been practicing for more than a month. Oh there had been lots of rocking, calling and baiting - but nothing had quite convinced him just yet. That is, until Jackson's toy tuck was placed just within reach. And slowly, tentatively, Eli's arms coordinated with his knees. His hands kept him upright, his knees no longer sluggish. We caught it on my phone. He crawled. Crawled. He crawled right over to the bright yellow, toy truck. We leapt with joy and shrieked and shouted. So much so, that even he joined in the celebration. Hooray! A baby who once never displayed proper walking reflexes reached a big milestone. We were so happy. And then ..... we started digging out the old baby gates. Damn.

My Oma

When Eli was born, Jackson had to suddenly do more things on his own as is common with a new baby in the house. But with Eli’s rough start, Jackson didn’t get to adjust to being a big brother like most kids. He had to transition quickly what with Eli requiring more attention than your average newborn. So when Omi’s red, white and blue afghan arrived he labeled it his very own “lovey” and cuddled into it immediately.
Jackson drags the bright afghan she knitted him around the house. He loves the crisp colors and how they match his room. He cuddles with it on the couch when he is feeling tired and sleeps with it every night. It warms my heart to snuggle our children up in the afghans she made for them.
Her love comforts her great grandchildren in soft, knitted layers.
Each purl stitch is a tiny bud harboring love sent from their great-grandmother. Each knot is a sign of hard work and love. These things: hard work and love are what Omi taught us.
 Omi taught us…
 … to be brave by her exa…