houpley

I have called this family meeting to announce that we are going to take official family photos over spring break. So we will be looking for a photographer. We've got to find a great photographer to take our pics. Oh Mama! Why don't we get Jimmy Olson? (long pause) He'd be good, babe. He is an ace photographer with the Daily Planet.

Well, you're  the one who majored in philosophy! I didn't want to be a philosopher. Then why did you major in philosophy? Trust me, if I could go back and kick my ass I would!

So, Jackson is at VBS tonight? Yes. So, essentially we have the house to ourselves? Yes. Wow. Yeah. *long pause* We should watch a violent movie! Yeah, with lots of curse words!

Hey babe, thanks for making breakfast this morning. No problem. *kiss*  So, uh..... Yeah? I left the water on in the yard all night. What? So, we don't have to water that tree...ever.

Eli had fallen asleep in my arms. He nestled into the inside of my elbow. Eventually, I cradle my warm little bundle of baby and make my way upstairs to put him down for the night. He is full of milk and sweet dreams. Just before putting Eli to bed, he stirs. He lifts his head from my shoulder and softly sighs in that most precious baby way. Oh honey, did you hear that sweet little sound? Yes, dear. It's like angels farting.

Amanda: It is truly amazing what a woman can get done around the house with one arm while holding a baby when compared to a man around the house with two arms. Eric: You mean like picking up a spider? Amanda: Touché.

Jackson, you need to listen to what mama and daddy tell you. Do you have your listening ears on?* No, mama my listening ears broke and I had to order new ones and the package hasn't come in the mail yet. ____________ Eric, did you hear me? What? Are you listening to me? Not really, but I think some of it got in anyway. *That is the phrase they use at school.

Do you even know how to put up a tent? I can figure it out. So, no then? I have a penis.

This bacon is getting kind of old. Hey Eric, does bacon go bad? No, bacon doesn't go bad. Hello! Bacon Bits!

Hey there. This yellow polo looks good on you. Yeah? Yeah. You look so ... tall. Yeah? Yeah. You think this yellow polo is making me look tall? Yeah. I think maybe your glass of wine is making me look tall. -

It's official. We are grown-ups. Eric and I now have yearly appointments to a dermatologist. Being pale and freckled, I started going two years ago. With weekends at the lake, visits to Gulf Shores, Ocean City, hanging at the pool and maybe even a few tanning beds (like maybe once before prom...ok twice...seven times....) I've collected plenty of sunburns in my portfolio of skin damage. I stopped sunning ages ago, slap on the SPF and am as pale as the piles of snow we are still digging out of. I've tried to learn to embrace my paleness. But those rays from bygone days are catching up with me. So much so I had to have a few freckles removed. While they weren't unsightly, they were something to catch early. But did it have to be Valentine’s Day weekend? So for our romantic dinner that same night, we made reservations for three: Eric, Me and the band-aid slapped across my face. And I'm not sure if it was the sheer thrill of being able to go to a restaurant that didn...

Eric, what is that smell? It smells like candy. Are you eating candy? No. What is that? It smells so sweet. I farted.

Me: Ohmygoddidyouhearthat!?! Something is vomiting! Eric: ....snore.... Me: The dog! The dog must be throwing up! Eric: ....snore.... Me: (after seeing the dog sound asleep at the foot of the bed) Wait. Oh no. He's fine. Eric: .... snore .... Me: Oh no, it must have been Jack! (I fling on my robe and dash into the hall to check) Eric: .... snore ....He's fine. Me: Hmmmm, you're right. He is fine. I crawl back into bed. Me: I guess maybe we're being robbed and one of them was throwing up. Eric: ....Hopefully...

Susan Lucci When I would go out with friends, we would always give boys fake names. I would always pick Erica. I just liked it. Sounded sexy but not over the top and kind of rare. Plus a shout out to Susan Lucci. Who can resist an Erica? Things got wierd though when the man I married turned out to be named Eric. Isn't that crazy? That's how powerful Susan Lucci is.

This thing has a little thing to put on the thing... Yeah, and? Well, the thing just popped off. Uh-oh.

...and then they say this while cooking your breakfast: "You know, I really don't see why everyone always gets so upset when they find a hair in their food. It's not like it's full of disease."

This morning was madness. We were all rushing around getting ready for work, getting Jackson ready for school, picking up for company coming right after work today - it was a whirlwind of curling irons, tiny buttons, cups of coffee, trash bags and velcroed sneakers. Eric had risen a bit early to make breakfast. His favorite: biscuits and sausage with gravy. I'm not a fan and generally don't eat breakfast but as I was trying to clasp a necklace, Eric asked from kitchen if I wanted to take a biscuit to work. So sweet. So when I finally landed at my desk and reached in my purse to pull out my makeshift biscuit breakfast, I saw that not only had he prepared a biscuit and sausage, but he thought to put the tiny patty in its own tiny snack Ziploc bag inside the main bag. He didn't want my biscuit to get soggy on the way to work. That's love, people.

After a long day, we finally crawl into bed exhausted. Eric breaks out his nightly crossword and I start to drift off. It's a glamorous life we live. "Good night." "Night, babe." "Love you." "Love you, too." ... (long pause ...) "But, I will love you even more if you know the guy who wrote Metamorphosis?" "Kafka." "Yes!" Happy anniversary to us.

Eric and I are nearing our eighth wedding anniversary (March 31st) and he still warms my heart every day. ~ For the last two weeks, I have been recovering from pneumonia. At first I thought it was just a cold and it is so hard to admit defeat, schedule an appointment, go to the doctor, miss work, blah, blah, blah. But eventually, my mom made me go and I was surprised to find myself in an exam room prepping for an x-ray. Looking for some sympathy, I text Eric that I'm about to go in for a chest x-ray. His response? "Can I get a copy?" ~ I've been out of commission and basically am of no use, so Eric has been doing his best to handle house, work, kid, etc. After supper, Eric is cleaning up the kitchen when Jackson flies into the room and this is Eric's instant and rushed response: "Whoa! What is that? Can you play with that? Wait. Does mama know you have that? I don't know, buddy. Hang on. Mama!" ~ "Let me lay some wisdom on you, boy." Eric r...

***warning: The following may not be for those of weak stomach. But hey, neither is marriage.*** 10 reasons why I asked Eric to be my Valentine: 10. When the power went out a few weeks ago and we were in for a big storm he headed to the grocery store to stock up. I said, just get produce and anything else you think we might need to get through the strom. He came home with Fresca and a bag of bridge mix. 9.He has been sincerely trying to perfect his omelet -making skills. He is constantly refining his recipe and flipping technique. He loves bacon as much as I do. 8. He does voices. Sometimes for days at a time. 7. He makes me laugh every day. The best part is that he really seems to find it a goal of his. And I don't mean he makes me chuckle every now and then. I mean, it is a my-stomach-hurts-cause-I-can't-breathe-because-I-am-laughing-too-hard kind of laugh. 6. He has removed shards of glass, celery strings, silverware and tiny intricate pieces for sippy cups from the garbag...